Strong relationships are built with better communication! We all really want intimacy and excitement in our marriage, but it doesn’t come easy. It takes hard work, an open mind and some give and take. Author Cathy Krafve has five tips on how you can build better communication in a marriage and in the process, the intimacy you’re looking for.
1. Write a family purpose statement
It works for Fortune 500 companies, why wouldn’t it work for your marriage? The beauty of coming up with a purpose or mission statement, is that it forces us to take a look at our relationship and make a conscious decision about where we want to go as a couple and eventually a family. What are our priorities? That question alone, opens up the lines of communication. It also equips us to say no to distractions. Just like a business… if it doesn’t go through your family’s mission statement, then it is a no go.
2. Be forgiving
Don’t hang on to hurts. Ask for and offer forgiveness as freely as possible. The Bible commands us to be forgiving…
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32
If God can forgive us of everything we have done, why are we less willing to forgive each other? We also need to be willing to own up to our mistakes… out loud. It doesn’t make you weak. It shows your willingness to grow as an individual and to work on your relationship and equips us to listen more intently to others. Through forgiveness, we can find compassion for our spouse… and compassion can go along way toward opening doors of communication in a marriage.
(If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help immediately.)
3. Don’t be afraid to negotiate
We’re not talking about going against biblical values here. Those are non-negotiable. What is negotiable is our wants. Does it REALLY matter (in the big scheme of things) how the toilet paper sits on the roll, or whether date night is Tuesday or Friday? Let go of the little things… and be willing to move a little toward the center on medium and big-sized things. When we prayerfully negotiate, we discover new things about our relationship and it opens everyone up for blessings, because God is in the process.
4. Be gentle
The Bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath (Prov . 15:1) It also has the power to change everything. A gentle and sincere question can change an argument into a conversation. Questions like “How can I make this better?” or “Am I understanding you correctly if I say this?” and “What is your favorite thing about me especially when we disagree?” can open up dialogue instead of arguments.
5. Be welcoming
It is a cliche from the 50s, but as with any cliche, there is a lot of truth in there. Cathy says being welcoming others can be a boom-a-rang – as we welcome others into our hearts and homes, we learn we, too, are worthy of welcome. Greeting a spouse after a busy day at the office doesn’t have to look like an episode of Leave it to Beaver, but remember this…
Sometimes the most difficult person to welcome is the person we love the most. Why? Because hurt, resentments, and unforgiveness can stack up until we can scarcely cherish one another. Miraculously, the person who chooses to offer a welcoming heart to a spouse, in spite of circumstances, affirms God’s welcoming in love for both people. – Marriage Conversations, page 142
And that is a great way to open up conversations in a marriage!
To learn more about communication in marriage, check out Cathy Krafve’s book Marriage Conversations.
